The House is happening. Big Brother is watching. And the whole of UK is anxious of the moves.

Apnee Shilpa don't seem bothered. She's cracking jokes and chilling out in The House all the same as in a metro.

But when it comes to the announcement of a family portrait... it's a different story altogether. Gee!

The House was enjoying on Day 4 until.... suddenly... The Family was forced to make it snappy when Big Brother gave them just 15 minutes to get ready for their first group portrait.

I say, he caught 'em by surprise with its first family activity – most still lounging around in night wear, when they were informed a photographer was on the way.

"Freaking hell!" shrieked Shilpa, and a mad dash to the bedroom ensued as the relatives were lost in a hail of hair-dryers and electric razors. Jade (a former dental nurse and a reality-show specialist; having taken part in many there, including an earlier season of Big Brother) unveiled a mountain of cosmetics, while Shilpa disappeared into the bathroom.

Shilpa's coughing yoga student – the veteran film-director Ken Russell (and did I tell you, even his snoring is a pain to The Family), slipped into a snazzy waistcoat before suggesting, for reasons known only to himself: "We should have one shot with us all playing the bedpan."

(For the uninitiated, a bedpan is a toileting facility, usually consisting of a metal, glass, or plastic container for urinary and fecal discharge. It is typically used in the case of bedridden persons.)

Brandishing the instrument as if it were a banjo, he approached the musical Jermaine Jackson (Michael Jackson's elder brother and co-lead singer of Jackson 5) and asked hopefully: "Can you play it?"

I'm really glad Shilpa wasn't around, otherwise there could have been more shrieks and 'ol friend Ken's idea might have just put her off.

But Jermaine was ok with Ken's yapping. "There are no strings," he pointed out, sounding quite earnest. (What!?! Laugh. That's supposed to be humour).

Fifteen minutes later, the unlikely in-laws assembled for a family photo that made The House look normal.

Forced cheesy grins lit up the room as the photographer click-started family life.

And hey, did I tell you that Ken slipped effortlessly into the eccentric grand-dad role, posing with his beloved bedpan.