| How lonely are you? Me: I once argued with myself and won; we didn't talk for a week after that! |
| My flirting ability is so bad that I just asked a woman in a food mart for a date and she took me to the packaged fruit aisle! |
| Do you want to know the secret to make your spouse/partner go Mmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm all night? Duct Tape! |
| I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them! |
| One of the shortest wills ever read: Being of sound mind. I spent all my money! |
| How do you comfort a grammar fanatic? Their, they're, there! |
| My phone really knows me pretty well. I typed "I hate" and it automatically added "people"! |
| When I told my wife I was looking at flights on the internet, she got very excited! Which was odd as she's never shown an interest in darts before! |
| The doctor told me to relax and then freaked out when I took off my pants In his office. Make up your mind, doc! |
| Two windmills are in a field. One asks, "What kind of music do you like?" The other one says, "Well, I'm a big metal fan!" |
