| This lock-down is getting old and frankly I've had enough. I've discussed the matter over a cup of coffee with the kitchen sink, and we both agree that the experience is draining. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts the wrong spin on everything. Same with the fridge. He only gives cold comfort. I asked the lamp but she couldn't shed any new light on the situation. The vacuum cleaner was rather rude and told me to suck it up. The threshold was no better, it suggested I get over it. The carpet advised me to sweep my feelings under the rug. But the fan was more upbeat and thought that the crisis would soon blow over. The toilet looked a bit flushed and didn't offer an opinion. The wall didn't say a word either, just gave me a blank stare. The door knob was more forthcoming - told me to get a firm grip on the situation and move on. The front door declared I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to.... you guessed it right - pull myself together. Then the chair told me to table it, and the table remarked, I didn't have a leg to stand on. When I told the table to break a leg, the mirror said that my comments reflected poorly on my thinking. However, in the end, the iron straightened things out. She said everything will be fine. No situation is too pressing for long anyways! |
| Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament. To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar. To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill. |
| The Department of Tourism clean-up crew recently found over 200 dead crows off and along NH1 near Delhi, and there was concern that they may have died from some sort of Covid/Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian/Covid related. The cause of death in fact appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paint appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars. The ICMR then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Bike". |
| An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, Your loving husband. His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until next year, on their anniversary, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?" |