| Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologize. "Hello, darling," he said, "what are you making for dinner?" "What am I making for dinner? After all the horrible things you said to me earlier, you want to know what I am making for dinner?? Poison, that's what I'm making, poison." Bernie replies, "Okay then, just make one portion, I'm not coming home." |
| During a training session at an artillery unit the sergeant-major was busy describing how the sophisticated aiming device of the artillery weapon system is used. "As you all know, there are 180 degrees in a circle." One of the soldiers put up his hand and said: "But there are 360 degrees in a circle, sergeant-major." "You idiot," replied the sergeant-major, "I am obviously speaking about a small circle!" |
| We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: Routine... 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. Here comes the important part: 4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. More routine... 5. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery. 6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation. Important again: 7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. More routine.... 8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. 9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. And most important of all: 10. Everyone praises the MAN and thanks HIM for his cooking efforts. 11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women. |
| The Collins family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. For generations, their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between Canada and the United States. Mrs. Collins, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and two grandchildren. One day, her son rushed into her room with a letter in his hand. "Mom, I have some news," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?" "What do I think?" his mother replied. "Jump at it! Call them immediately and tell them we accept. I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!" |