| Ronald Reagan, Idi Amin and Queen Elizabeth all died and met in hell. While there, they saw a red phone and asked what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Idi Amin calls Uganda, Africa and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Idi Amin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million pounds, so she writes him a check. Finally Ronald Reagan gets his turn and calls USA and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5 dollars. When Idi Amin and Queen Elizabeth hears this, they both go ballistic and asks the devil why Ronald Reagan got to call USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies, "Since Trump took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call. |
| THIS IS HOW ENGLISH AND ENGLISHMEN MAKE FUN OF EACH OTHER ? Q: Can February March? A: No. But April May! Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised? A: Reports say it was due to too many Strokes! Q: Have you heard the Joke about the Butter? A: I better not tell you, it might spread! Q: How do you know that Carrots are good for your Eyesight? A: Have you ever seen a Rabbit wearing Glasses? Q: Music Teacher: What's your Favourite Musical Instrument? A: Kid: The Lunch Bell! Q: What did the Triangle say to the Circle? A: You're Pointless! Q: What do you call a Ghosts Mom and Dad? A: Transparents! Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A: A Barbercue! Q: What do you call a person that Chops up Cereal? A: A Cereal Killer! Q: What do you call a South American Girl who is always in a hurry? A: Urgent Tina! Q: What do you call Two Fat People having a Chat? A: A Heavy Discussion! Q: What kind of Emotions do Noses Feel? A: Nostalgia! Q: What kind of shorts do Clouds Wear? A: Thunderwear! Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? A: Trouble! Q: Where do Boats go to when they get sick? A: The Dock! Q: Who cleans the bottom of the Ocean? A: A Mer-Maid! Q: Why can't a Leopard hide? A: Because he's always Spotted! Q: Why can't your Nose be 12 inches long? A: Because then it would be a Foot! Q: Why did the Barber win the Race? A: Because he took a Short Cut! Q: Why did the Boy tiptoe past the Medicine Cabinet? A: He didn't want to wake the Sleeping Pills! Q: Why did the Tomato turn Red? A: It saw the Salad Dressing! Q: Why did the Tree go to the Dentist? A: To get a Root Canal! Q: Why don't you see Giraffes in Elementary School? A: Because they're all in High School! Q: Why was the Maths Book Sad ? A: Because it had too many Problems! |
| How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side. I have a few jokes about unemployed people.... but none of them work. How do you make holy water? You take some water & boil the hell out of it. Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan." Heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu, you get what you deserve. I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday... but couldn't find any. What do you call a bee that can't quite make up its mind? A maybe. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case. If and when everything is coming your way..... you're in the wrong lane. She had a photographic memory... but never developed it. Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant..... but then I changed my mind. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland, of course, it's Dublin everyday. My ex-wife still misses me.... but her aim is starting to improve. The guy who invented the door knocker got a..... No-bell prize. I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought.... "that's the last thing I need !" Need an ark??? I Noah guy. I used to be indecisive..... Now I'm not so sure. Sleeping comes so naturally to me that...... I can do it with my eyes closed. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing. But, it let out a little whine. What do you call a very articulate dinosaur with a good vocabulary? A Thesaurus. Last, but not least, What happens when you boil a funny bone? You get a laughing stock. |
| An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in, to a beautiful woman. "I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised the 75K asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you close the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady over there. You insisted there could be no discounts on this model." "Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and just look at her. How could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman. Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys. "There you go," she said. "I told you I could get this joker to drop the price. See you later, grandpa." |