| Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like." |
| A man caught a goldfish and as always... "Let me go and I will grant you a wish" said the goldfish. "But I don't need anything. I have a house, a summer house by the sea, cars, a cottage in the mountains, a yacht, more than enough money..... I only fish for pleasure" he says. "Come on, please, let me go, I'll fulfill any wish". "Well, ok" says the guy "From now on I wish that my dear wife and I always have an orgasm together" and releases the fish. "Voila, granted" says the little fish. The man picked up his fishing equipment, put it in the car and happily drove home.... On the way home he came twice. |
| Gujarati Patel to wife: Remove your clothes. Wife: Why? Gujarati Patel: Just remove and come on the bed. Wife: Okay, I have taken off my clothes. Gujarati Patel: Nice sweetie. Also your bra and panty? Remove them also. Wife: Oh no, I am not in the mood. Gujarati Patel: Just remove your panty and bra. Don't tell me your "not in the mood" story. Wife: Okay, they are off. What next? Gujarati Patel: Sit down and help me count my money. Every time you do that with your clothes on, some cash goes missing... |
| A Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker, who had managed to fly across the ocean to Hawaii, were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaiian woodpecker led him to a tree that no woodpecker could peck! The Californian woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe. The Californian woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely un-peckable. The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. So after flying to California, the Hawaiian woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem. The two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the California woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the California tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state? After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home. |