| The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, "well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine." "Well, what did he want to do?" they all asked. She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much." "So I told him a BJ would be $75, but he didn't have that much either." "Finally I said, well, how much do you have?" The marine said that he only had $25. The new hooker said, "Well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job." He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said, "He pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand....." "OMG!!!" they all exclaimed, "It must have been huge! Then what did you do?" "I loaned him $75!" she said. |
| A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself." "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago." "And what about the third rose?" she asked. "That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears." |
| Three members of a weekly female bridge quartet were duly impressed when the fourth arrived wearing a gorgeous new mink coat. "That's a lovely garment Joan," purred Kay. "It must have cost a fortune!" Sue said. "No, it didn't," said Joan, "just a single piece of ass." "You mean," Barb chimed in, "one that you gave your husband?" "No," smiled Joan "One that he got from the maid." |
| A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?" He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she." |