| A guy on a date parks his car and gets the girl in the back seat. They make love, but the girl wants to make love again so the guy complies. She wants more and they do it once again. She still wants more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute, I have to relieve myself." While out of the car he notices a man half a block away changing a flat. He asks the man "Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've made love to her four or five times and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll take over for me." So that's what the man does and he is just getting in the high numbers when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them. The cop asks, "What are you doing in there?" The guy says, "I'm making love to my wife." The cop asks, "Why don't you do that at home?" The guy answers, "To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was my wife until you shined the light on her." |
| There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked
this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer." So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning. She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?" He said, "Why,... Yes I am!" So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!" |
| In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back." Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex." Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?" In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke." |
| I don't know how many of you visit the MGM Grand Casino but this may be useful to know. I have become a victim of a clever scam when using the casino's car parking facility. This happened to me and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are about to get in after leaving the casino. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another car parking facility in the city. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then, one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday... Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow. |