| Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. "OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce." "Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake." "Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said. "You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor. That's why I want the divorce." he replied. |
| Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used car salesman. He had no experience in this field but he figured he could use the old sales pitch that the car was like brand-new and had only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays. He tried that approach on every prospective buyer but none seemed to believe him and no sales were made that day. His boss was furious and threatened to fire Bill if he didn't sell any cars the following day. The following day he decided to change his sales pitch and sure enough he sold three cars. The manager of the used car dealership called him over and asked what he had done to bring about all these sales. Bill grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old lady story, so I told them that the car had previously been owned by your daughter who only used the backseat." |
| A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars? "Are you nuts?!!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. So they go into an alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?" "Nah", he replies. "Costs too much." |
| One hot summer day, a redneck came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the bar for a cold one. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?" The redneck said it was his. "Your dog seems to be in heat." The redneck replied, "No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree." The policeman said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred." "No way," said the redneck. "That dog don't need bread. She ain't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin'." The exasperated policeman said, "NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!" The redneck looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog!" |