| It was a little girl's first day of school and her mother was both excited and saddened to see her daughter begin this rite of passage. She sent her daughter off with a kiss good-bye and a promise of freshly baked cookies when she got home. Later that afternoon, the daughter comes running through the door excited to see her mom. The mother greets her and sits her down for some milk and cookies - a beginning of a ritual that will follow them for many days to come. The mother says, "So tell me sweetheart, what did you learn today?" "Well," says the little girl. "I learned where babies come from." "You did," exclaims the mother with some concern. "What did your teacher tell you?" "Well, first this thing in the dad called sperm meets up with this egg that's inside the mom and that becomes an embryo. The embryo travels up through the mom's ovaries and implants on her uterus. Then the embryo becomes a fetus. The fetus grows in her womb for nine months and then she gives birth to a fully developed baby." "Wow!" the mother says. "Honey, I'm impressed that you learned that so well." "Yeah, but Mom, I just have one question," the little girl says innocently. "How does the sperm and the egg get together? Does the mom eat the dad's sperm?" "Oh, no, honey," explains the mom. "That's only when you want a new dress or jewellery." |
| Bob walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Smith with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Smith, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible," says Smith. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her between her legs." |
| With his wife now eight months pregnant, a man was severely horny. She recognized what he was going through and empathized enough to hand him a fifty-dollar bill. "Honey, you're so depressed. Take this money to the woman next door and she'll sleep with you. But remember: tonight only, okay? Never again!" He couldn't believe his ears but, afraid she might change her mind, grabbed the money and ran, but within five minutes was back, totally disappointed. "She says fifty isn't enough. She wants seventy-five!" His wife was mad, "Why that bitch! When she was pregnant and her husband came over here, I only charged him fifty!" |
| A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously, "Is there a problem?" The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes, "I'm afraid so... I'm sorry but your notes got mixed up and we've given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy." The patient is devastated and shockingly replies, "Do you mean to say I'll never experience another erection?" The surgeon pauses for a moment then says, "Well, you might, but it won't be yours." |