| A man took his son to the zoo. They found the monkey cage very entertaining until the father noticed two monkeys in a compromising position which embarrassed him to no end because his son was watching. He walked up to the keeper and asked if he could stop them. The keeper told him that they are in their natural habitat and could not do anything about it. The father asked the keeper, "If I throw peanuts at them, do you think they would stop?" The keeper looked at the father in the eye and said, "Would you?" |
| In a second grade sex education class, little Mary asks, "teacher, can my momma get pregnant?" The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?" Little Mary says, "Forty." The teacher says, "Yes, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl asks, "can my big sister get pregnant?" The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?" Little Mary answers, "Nineteen." The teacher says, "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl asks, "Can I get pregnant?" The teacher asks, "How old are you?" Mary says "I'm seven years old." The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant." Little Johnny, who is sitting behind little mary, gives her a poke and says, "see, I told you we had nothing to worry about |
| Farmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week. So Farmer John called the local police station to complain, `You've got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens,` he said to the local police officer. "What do you want me to do?" asked the policeman. "I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, "You've still got to do something about these drivers. The 'School Crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster!" So again, they put up a new sign: 'SLOW - CHILDREN AT PLAY.' That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and said, "Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?" In order to get Farmer John off his back said, "Sure. Put up your own sign." The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John, "How's the problem with the speeding drivers. did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed." The policeman was really curious and thought he'd better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down. So he drove out to Farmer John's house. His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign - 'NUDIST COLONY' 'Slow down and watch out for chicks!' |
| Nina and Rosey meet for lunch and Nina seems a little depressed. "What's wrong Nina?" asks Rosey. Nina replies, "Well, a friend of mine set me up on a blind date and I told her the criteria I was looking for in a man." "Yeah, so, whats the problem?" asks Rosey. "Well," Nina said, "My friend must have misunderstood me, cause the guy that showed up was as smart as a horse and hung like Einstein!" |