| A man, new in town, goes to the best brothel in the city. Choosing the best looking girl in the place, he retires to a large and well-appointed suite, where he has some of the best sex of his life. Satiated, the man asks the madam, "How much do I owe you?" The madam motions for him to put away his money. She then pulls two hundred dollars out of a purse and gives it to him. She fends off all his attempts for an explanation. Naturally, the man returns the following evening. He gets the same treatment, and is again given two hundred dollars. The third night he does the same thing, but when he sees the madam she asks him for three hundred dollars. "Wait a minute," he says. "The first night you gave me two hundred dollars. The second night you gave two hundred dollars. Now you want me to pay you three hundred? Why?" The madam smiles and says, "Tonight you weren't being filmed." |
| A young buck went into a large store for a packet of rubbers. "Have you tried the rainbow ones?" asked the assistant, "We've got red ones, blue ones, green ones, orange ones, yellow ones, plus a few other different colors." "I'll try the lot," said the young man adventurously. Six months later, he appeared in the same store with a rather sorry looking young girl asking for maternity dresses. The same assistant served them asking, "What bust, madam?" "The blue one," The young man said sadly. |
| A woman walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the fact they are about to be audited during the coming month. Says the first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!" "I'm screwed, too!" says the other guy, slapping his forehead. "Guys, I am about to be fucked beyond all recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy in anguish. Just then, one of the guys notices the woman who has been standing there listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face. "Are you OK?" asks the guy. "Yes," replies the woman, "but I was wondering... How do I go about getting audited?" |
| Once in Fort William, Calcutta, there was a requirement to send the Pipe Band to the Command Officers Mess in the evening. The Subedar Major of Sikh Battalion got orders just two hours prior to event. He called the Band JCO and passed the Orders. The Band JCO started dithering due to very short reaction time. The Subedar Major told the Band JCO, in chaste Punjabi... "Mainu Ni Pata Tussi Sham Nu Officers Mess Vich Band Bajao Ya Bundd, Awaz Changi Aani Chahidi Hai!, Koi Shakh?" True enough the band was there dot on time. Perfect example of CLARITY and FIRMNESS in Orders. |