| A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation,... no one wants him to leave. Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims, "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!" More sighs and loud applause, Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!" There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?" Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies, "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, ' Screw the Preacher!'!!" |
| Santa while travelling in a plane was continuously looking at a woman's legs and saw that she wasn't wearing her panties and beneath her tall waxed legs was a clean shaved pussy that was just unbelievable. Woman: I know what you are looking at. Santa apologetically: I am sorry Ma'am, this would not happen again. Woman: that's perfectly OK. I know I'm not wearing my panties but one thing you don't know is that my pussy can do funny things. Santa: Like what? Woman: It can wink. Santa: Show me how? The woman lifted her skirt and made her clean shaved pussy wink at the Santa. Santa: Wow its amazing. Woman: It can blow a kiss as well and she made her nice pink lips blow a kiss at him. Santa got completely floored by this and was in awe of what he just saw. Woman who was completely hot and wet and wanted some action said to Santa: you can come next to my seat and put your fingers in my pussy. Santa: Teri behen di, don't tell me it can whistle too. |
| There was a fly flying 12 inches above a lake. A fish in the lake thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, I'd get it." A bear on land thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump out of the water and I'd get it!" A hunter nearby thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear will go to get the fish and I'll shoot the bear." A mouse watching thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear and I'll steal the cheese off his sandwich !" A cat in hiding thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, the mouse will go get the cheese and I'll get that mouse !!!" Suddenly, it all happened: The fly dropped 6 inches, the fish got the fly, the bear got the fish, the hunter got the bear, the mouse got the hunter's cheese, but the cat missed the mouse and fell in the water! A subsequent in depth analysis of the above chain of events by a global management consulting firm revealed in their summary that Every time a fly drops 6 inches, a pussy gets wet. |
| A farmer and his young bride lived out in the country and the preacher would stop by and of course they would invite him in for chicken dinner. Well this went on and the preacher, practically started to be there everyday and the farmer had to go out in the fields to work, and the preacher would stay with the young bride but every time that he came over the young wife would have the farmer kill a chicken for dinner. Finally after a hard day's work the farmer was driving the tractor into the barn when the young bride stepped out on the porch and hollered at him to get her a chicken so that she could cook one for the preacher. The farmer hollered, "Screw the preacher!" To which the young bride replied "I already did, but I still need the chicken." |