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Sexual Exhaustion
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, NO other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
It took 15 minutes for the class to come to order. -
Diarrhea Treatment
"Children, please name a medicine and what it is used for," said Mrs. Johnson.
The first student said, "Tylenol."
"Very good! And what is Tylenol used for?"
"It's for headaches."
"Excellent. Anyone else?"
Another pupil said, "Nytol."
"Excellent. And what is Nytol used for?"
"It helps you go to sleep."
"That's right. Johnny? Do you know a medicine?"
Little Johnny thought a moment and then said, "Viagra."
"Uh, okay, Johnny. What is Viagra used for?"
"I think it's for diarrhea."
"Diarrhea? Who told you that?"
"No one, but the other night I heard my mom tell my dad, 'Take a Viagra and maybe that little sh*$ will get harder!'" -
A Healthy Breakfast
Three buddies got married on the same day and at the same hotel. During the receptions, the three guys met up in the bar.
"Guys, it's our wedding night and, uh, I was wondering, er, ah, how many times are we supposed to do it?"
Discussion ensued, and finally ended with an agreement to just see how things go and meet up the next morning for breakfast.
One groom said, "Wait. We can't discuss our wedding night performances over breakfast with our new wives there."
"You're right. Let's just order one slice of toast for every time we did it."
"Excellent idea!"
The next morning, the brides and grooms staggered to their tables and the waitress came to take their orders.
The first groom said, "I'll have the full breakfast with three slices of toast, please."
The other two grooms smiled at his prowess.
The second groom ordered, "I'll have the full breakfast but with four slices of toast."
The third groom grinned and said, "I'll have the full breakfast, please, but I'll have..." and here he paused for effect, "seven, yes, seven slices of toast!"
"Seven slices of toast, sir?" queried the waitress."That's an awful lot."
"Yes it is, young lady, yes it is. But seven slices of toast it shall be.... And, by the way, make two of those, brown!" -
The Unfaithful Wife
A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife.
"Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's infidelity."
"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife."
"One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"