| Pedro gets a New Secretary. He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye. Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs? Pedro (feigning ignorance): Didn't quite notice. Dora: What color are her eyes? Pedro (quietly): Haven't had the time to check. Dora: What are the nail polish colors she uses, mettalic, gel or neon ? Pedro (rolling up his eye): Not a clue in the world. Dora: Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick. Pedro (looking quizzed): I barely spoke to her, so don't know. Dora: How does she dress? Pedro (innocently): VERY quickly... Pedro's Funeral is tomorrow. |
| "Late again?" Miss Crabtree scolded Little Johnny. "It ain't my fault," said Little Johnny. "This is my Daddy's fault. I'm three hours late cause Daddy sleeps naked!" Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for over thirty years but had never heard that one before. "Exactly what does that mean, Johnny?" "Well, Miss Crabtree, a coyote's been hangin' round the ranch lately. He's killed six hens and Ma's best goat. So last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and told Ma, 'That coyote's back again. I'm a'gonna git 'im!' "He told us kids to stay inside and he ran out naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt, no nuttin'! He crawled out to the hen house, stuck his shotgun through the window of the chicken coop. As he tried to see into the dark coop, our hound dog came sneakin' up behind him and stuck his cold nose right up Daddy's behind! Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!" |
| Johnny wanted to screw, Margie, a girl in his class.....but she belonged to someone else... one day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you 50 dollars if you let me screw you." Margie said, "NO." Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished with my work by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend, Brad. So she called Brad and told him the story. "We could use some money to go to that concert next week," said Brad, "Tell him 100 dollars, by the time you pick up the money he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she tells Johnny and he agrees to 100 dollars. Half an hour goes by and Brad is waiting for his girlfriend to call. After 1 hour nothing. Finally after 2 hours Brad calls and asks why she hadn't called sooner. She replies, "Do you know how long it takes to pick up 100 dollars in quarters?" |
| Banta was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, a young recent Bridge course medical graduate. The young doctor listened to him carefully and told him, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass." "What???" said Banta. The Doctor repeated patiently, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass." The headache was really killing him, so Banta went home and very sceptically tried out what the doctor told him. And guess what, the headache vanished! So Banta goes running back to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, where did you learn this amazing cure?" And the young doctor replies modestly, "Oh that is nothing. They taught us this on our very first day in medical school." "Really?" says Banta, "This is what they taught you in medical school?" "Yes, of course. They said for a headache you should always prescribe "Analgin'." |