| A young farm couple got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love. The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do. "Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Daisy's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time." They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor's office. "What's wrong? Didn't my idea work?" "Oh, it worked good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Daisy'd come running. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home agin." "Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" "I might ah trained her too good. I ain't seen her since hunting season started!" |
| An army doctor walked into a room to check on his patient and to his alarm he seen a young army nurse masturbating him. He asked what to hell was going on. She said that the private had a condition where he needed to ejaculate every day. The doctor looking further surprised shook his head and said well ok. So he went on and continue his rounds. About an our later the same army doctor walked in to see another patient and the same army nurse was sitting their giving his patient a blow job. He said what in the hell is going on now. The army nurse said he's got a condition that he's required to ejaculate every day. The doctor responded by saying, "Well I just seen you treating a patient with a similar condition and you were masturbating him." The army nurse grabbed the patient's file and blurted out; But doctor he's a general. |
| Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy said "Me feet are freezing, will you nip upstairs and get my slippers for me?" "No bother", said Murphy and goes upstairs. There he finds Paddy's stunning twin 19 year old daughters sitting on the bed. "Hello girls", he said smiling, "Your Dad sent me up here to shag the pair of ye!" "Feck off ya liar!" they replied. "I'll prove it!" says Murphy, so he shouts down the stairs "Both of them, Paddy?" "Of course! What's the use of fucking one?" |
| An older lady was out shopping when she notices a very expensive boutique advertising, "DRESSES AND HATS ON SALE." She can't resist a sale and goes inside and starts trying on dresses and hats. After awhile, she finds only a hat that she really likes and buys it. When she steps back outside, a fierce wind has picked up on her way down the street to the bus stop. While she is standing there at her stop, she is quite worried that the wind might blow off her brand new hat. So she holds on to it with both hands. Not paying mind to anything else, she soon feels a tap on her shoulder and turns to see a young man there who says, "Excuse me, ma'am, but why are you just holding your hat while your dress is blowing clear up to your elbows?" The old woman replies, "Son, I've had what's under this dress for almost eighty-six years, but I've only had this hat for half an hour!" |