| A gynecologist waits for his last patient, who does not arrive. After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax. After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring. It's the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay. "It doesn't matter," answers the doctor. "Look, I was having a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one to help you relax?" "I accept, thanks!" She answers. He gives her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking. Suddenly someone is heard opening the entrance office door. The doctor looks worried, gets up and says, "My wife! Quick, take off your clothes and spread your legs, otherwise she might think there is some nonsense going on!" |
| A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. As their wedding day approached, she became very nervous about her impending deflowering. Putting her anxiety aside, she decided that she would just marry her man and let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do. The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she'd seen. "What can I help you with?" he asked. She said, "Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?" "Ma'am," he answered, "that there is called a penis." "I see," she said. "Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?" The old doctor smiled and said, "Why that there is called the head of the penis." "I do declare!" exclaimed the young woman. "One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12-14 inches behind the head of the penis?" He paused and said, "I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my ass." |
| An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful blood-curdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's just someone having the holes bored in their shoulder blades for the wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood-curdling screams. "Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "now what's happening?" "Not to worry," says St. Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm off down to hell." "'You can't go there," says St. Peter, "you'll be raped and sodomized." "Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that!" |
| There was a man and a woman in a parked car at a drive in movie. They were having sex in the back-seat of a small sports car when the man suddenly slipped a disk in his back! He was stuck, he couldn't move at all and neither could his girlfriend, she was pinned nude beneath her 250 pound lover. They were desperate to get out so she managed to reach over the front seat with her leg and honk the horn. A big crowd gathered, all enjoying the free show. Some women volunteers served them coffee through the window while others worked to free them. Finally firemen cut away the top of the car. The 250 pound man was lifted out and the woman, sobbing was helped out of the car, too. The ambulance driver tried to calm her down telling her the man would be fine, but she was so upset. She said she was worried about how she was going to explain to her husband what happened to his car! |