| A guy goes for a Job in a Timber Wholesalers, The interviewer asks him what experience he has, to which he replies, "I've been in the trade for so long, I can identify any wood just by it's smell." The Interviewer decides to put him to the test by blinfolding him and giving him samples to sniff. On sniffing the first sample, he says, "That's Brazilian Mahogany". The Interviewer is amazed and tries another. "That's South African Pearwood." This carries on with the guy getting every one right, so the interviewer decides to fuck him up. He calls his secretary in and whispers to her, "Let him sniff your arse." She does this and the guy says, "I'm not not sure, Can I smell that one again?" The interviewer tells the secretary to turn round. He sniffs her snatch and says, "I know. Its a Shithouse door made out of old fish crates." |
| Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, "F.F." His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F." Out on the highway, he said, "F.F." She responded simply, "E.F." He repeated, "F.F." She again replied, "E.F." "Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?" Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!" |
| Pierre, Marie, and their six children lived in a log cabin on the edge of a lake in northern Quebec. One day, Pierre decided he had had enough and set out across the lake in his canoe. Seeing this, Marie hollered out to him, "Pierre, what are you doing?" Pierre replied, "Woman, I'm leaving you!" Marie hollered, "But Pierre, what about our marriage?" Pierre replied, "To hell with the marriage. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He kept paddling across the lake. Marie hollered, "But Pierre, what about our beautiful cabin?" Pierre replied, "To hell with the cabin. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He kept paddling across the lake. Marie hollered, "But Pierre, what about our beautiful children?" Pierre replied, "To hell with the children. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He kept paddling across the lake. Then Marie hikes up her skirt, points to her crotch and hollers, "But Pierre, what about this?" As Pierre slowly turns the canoe around he mumbles, "Someday I'm going to leave that damn woman." |
| A door to door salesman is making his rounds through the neighborhood and knocks on the next house on his list. A little boy answers the door and the salesman says, "Hi, is your mother in?" "Yes, said the boy, she's out in the back yard screwing the goat." "No," says the salesman, "I don't believe it!" The boy says, "Come and see for yourself." So the salesman looked in the back yard, and sure enough, there was the mom bent over with a large goat screwing her from behind. The salesman said to the boy, "Isn't she afraid she'll get pregnant?" The boy says, "N-a-a-a-a-a-a-" |