| A man enters a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. The Pharmacist asks, "What size?" The man replies, "I do not know." Well, take this board with holes and go to the bathroom and measure. In 10 minutes the man comes back and tells the pharmacist, "I have changed my mind I don't need the condoms. How much is this board?" |
| A superintendent of a large, apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a rather snooty tenant's clogged
toilet. Going to her apartment, where the female tenant happened to be giving a fancy dinner party for other tenants in the building, the super had to endure her telling all the assembled guests that he was a complete, incompetent idiot. Furthermore, she got them all to go to the bathroom door to watch his clumsiness. He didn't say anything but merely concentrated on fixing the toilet, while she kept on complaining about the bad service. So busy was she complaining, that no one noticed when the super reached quickly into his tool bag. A minute later he held something up triumphantly and told her and the assembled guests, "I've found what was clogging your toilet." All the guests broke into shocked laughter and the woman turned a bright red. The super was holding up a large yellow banana with a red condom wrapped around it. The woman never complained again. |
| The wax museum just acquired a very good wax figure of ex prez Bill Clinton. They had it arranged to show him in an authoritative stance in front of several staff members set on a stage made up like the oval office. After the figure had been on display for a couple of days, the museum employees were constantly having to go in and rezip Bill's zipper, it kept falling to the 'down' position. They even went so far as to sew it in place, but that too met with some foul play, and the zipper was found ripped loose and in the down position. So, to get to the bottom of this mystery, the museum installed a hidden camera to catch the culprit. They did. and it was more than just one. During the course of one day no less than 18 different women stepped into the exhibit, got down on their knees, unzipped that zipper then placed their head on 'his' trousers and had a friend snap their photo. |
| The priest leaned closer to hear the girl's confession. "So me and my cousin were alone in the house," she continued, "and went up to my bedroom..." "Go on, my child," said the priest gently. "I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on my....on my..." "Go on." "On my pussy," stammered the girl, blushing behind the screen. "And touched me and touched me until I couldn't help myself." "Yes, go on," the priest directed. "I pulled down his pants and his cock popped out, stiff and tall," the girl went on, with a little whimper of shame, "and he began to shove it in me so hard..." "Yes, yes... Go on," he urged, breathing hard. "And then we heard the front door slam..." "Oh, shit!!" |