| A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway." "You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything is OK but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it." Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, "You've got Pound 9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch." The bloke perks up at this. "So the thing is," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. "I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine inch she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision." So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?" "I have." says the fellow. "And has she helped you in making the decision?" "She has," says the bloke. "And what is it?" asks the doctor... "We're having a new kitchen!" |
| A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry. Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of panties on the floor that do not belong to her! Furious, she questions her husband. The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry, the maid does!" The wife calms down and says, "Oh! So maybe these belong to the maid, could be she was doing her laundry here." "Nah," said the husband musingly, "she doesn't even wear panties. |
| A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry." The waitress begs the question, "So, how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?" One of the other Japanese men replies, "The menu say FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!" |
| A guy walked into the doctor's office for an appointment. "Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist asked. "I'll need the information for the doctor." "It's rather embarrassing," the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection." "Well, the doctor is very busy today," the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in." |