| Two guys were walking down the street one day when they came across a small pair of gym shorts on the ground. They decided to put a sign up on the church bulletin board so the rightful owner could claim them. The first one starts to write out the sign, "FOUND: one pair of boys gym shorts." "Hold on," says the second, "Those are girls gym shorts." "No they're not," says the first, "They're boys shorts!" The second grabs them from him and takes a closer look, "No, no... Definitely girls gym shorts!" The two of them are inspecting the shorts in turns and arguing. "Boys shorts!", "No, girls shorts!", "Definitely boys shorts!" .... and so on. The local priest is walking past as the two men argue and can't help but ask them what the commotion is all about. The first guy tells the priest, and asks him if he could sort out the argument. The priest takes the shorts, has a good long sniff, and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says, "Definitely boys shorts!..... but not from my parish!" |
| A man went to visit his grandparents and arrived to find his grandpa sitting on the front porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, why are you sitting out here with no pants on?" The old man looked at him and said: "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea! |
| I knew a girl at work once who was truly concerned about her husband's smoking. She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making love. She had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had both see on TV called "Cold Turkey." After about a week, I asked her how it was going. "Well, not too bad," she said, getting up off of a pillow she had in her chair and limping towards the photocopy machine. "I've gotten him down to one pack of cigarettes a night now." |
| A man and a woman were engaged in heated sexual intercourse. The woman was screaming and wiggling like she had never before. Afterwards, she flings the lights on and stares him straight in the eyes. "You know you were fucking me in the ass, don't you?" "I wasn't quite sure," replied the man. "Surely you realized that it wasn't like our normal sex. Why didn't you stop?" pleaded the wife. "You know how much we men hate to stop and ask for directions..." |