| Once upon a time there lived a King. The King had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth... THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought diamonds.He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the Princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was in the Prince's pants? Cadbury's 5 Star. It melts in your mouth, not in your hand. But I appreciate ur thinking |
| Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums. He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again. The winning number was 707. Moral of the story: Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life |
| There was an soccer player anxious to make it into one of the Premier league teams. When he found out about the trials being held he held a party with his chums. One of them brought along some Marijuana which they all used. The next morning, realizing that he would be asked to provide a urine sample, he knew the marijuana would show up in it. He had a brainstorm!! Calling his girlfriend on the phone, he said, "Hey, Patti I need a favour. Can you give me a small jar of urine? I'll need it for the physical tomorrow, and we kinda let things go here." Patti agreed, and within an hour, she came over, carrying a small mayo jar of yellow liquid. He thanked her, and he proceeded to take the "sample" to the team's physical with him the next day. When the doctor asked him for a sample, he went into the restroom, and poured the urine Patti had given him into the vial. All was fine -- he thought! Two days later, the Football manager called him, and said, "I'm afraid we have to withdraw the trial offer." "Why?" he asked. We just cannot," said the team boss, "have a pregnant man on our football team!" |
| David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table." "Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage. He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts f**king her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!" The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies, "I know, it's fucking magic." |