| A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals. She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what are you?" "I'm a cow." "What do you do?" "I make milk for the farmer." Then the zebra went up to a little white bird and said, "I'm a zebra, what are you?" "I'm a chicken." "What do you do?" "I make eggs for the farmer." Then the zebra went up to a handsome beast that looked a lot like her except with no stripes and said, "What are you?" "I'm a stallion." "What do you do?" "How about you take off them fancy pajamas and I'll show you!" |
| A rather large lady had saved her money for a long time to be able to afford a cruise on a ship to the Bahamas. When she gets settled in her cabin she goes to the dining room for her first meal on board, and is invited to sit at the Captain's table. As she is seated at the table a mimicking voice behind her loudly squawks, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your hole?" Totally embarrassed, she turns to see a parrot on his perch behind her. She says to the steward, "Will you "Please" get rid of that foul mouthed beast?" The steward replies, "I can't madam, that is the Captains parrot, which he dearly loves." As the meal progresses to its end the bird continues to harass the lady with his loud squawks, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your hole?" The embarrassed woman finally retires to her cabin and goes into a restless sleep. In the middle of the night the ship sinks rather suddenly and the lady finds herself floating in the ocean on a chest. As daylight breaks the next morning the lady hears this loud squawk behind her, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your Hole?" The lady turns around to see the parrot floating on some debris and she replies, "Aah, Shut Up!" The parrot says, "Aawwk, Mine too! Must be the salt water!" |
| A woman was driving along, and her car broke down. She decided to hitchhike to the nearest gas station. A truck driver hauling a load of chickens pulled up. The driver asked, "Hey, little lady, need a lift?" "Yes, my car broke down, and I need a ride to the nearest gas station." The driver replied, "OK, but first you have to fuck me! No fuck, no ride." She said, "I'm sorry, I don't need a ride that badly." So the driver pulled away. All this time, the driver had a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot started saying, "No fuck, no ride! No fuck, no ride!" The driver said, "You had better shut up, bird, or I'm gonna throw you in back with the chickens!" About two miles down the road, the parrot said, "No fuck, no ride!" So the driver slammed on the brakes and threw him in back with the chickens! About two more miles further down the road, the driver heard sirens and saw flashing lights, so he pulled over. He got out of the truck and approached the officer. "What's the problem, officer. I wasn't speeding was I?" The officer said, "I wasn't pulling you over for speeding. I just wanted to inform you that you have a parrot throwing chickens out the trailer screaming, "No fuck, no ride! No fuck, no ride!" |
| There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population and young George was pretty excited. "Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George. "George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion," said Sam. "Okay, I can do that," George answered. Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam said and George was all excited to go down there but Sam had a few more instructions. "Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end and you can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle," said Sam. "OK, OK, let's go!" said George. "Hang on George! One more important thing to remember. These gals will let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?" said Sam. "Sure, sure," says George, "Let's go!" Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remembers Sam's instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to say, "Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am..." |