| A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed. The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat. Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country? After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home. |
| There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and young George was pretty excited. "Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George. "George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion," said Sam. "Okay, I can do that." George answered. Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam said and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few more instructions. "Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end and you can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle" said Sam. "OK, OK, let's go!" said George. "Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals will let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?" said Sam. "Sure," says George. Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remember's Sam's instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to say: "Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, SORRY Sam, thank you ma'am." |
| Ek Aurat Ke Pass Ek Maina Thi, Par Vo Bahut Galiya Diya Karti Thi. Duniya Bhar Ki Har Gali Use Aati Thi, Aur Ghar Aaye Har Mehman Ko Vo Galiya Deti Thhi. Aurat Bechari Badi Pareshan Rahti Thi. Ek Din Usne Mohalle Mein Ek Maulvi Ji Ko Apni Samsya Batayi: Maulvi Ji, Main Bahut Pareshan Hun, Aapke Pas Toh Har Tarha Ka Upay Hota Hai, Iska Bhi Koi Samdhaan Do Na. Maulvi Bola: Arey Ye Bhi Koi Badi Baat Hai, Mere Pass Bahut Time Se 2 Tote Hai Aur Vo Bahut Hi Sharif Aur Nek Hai, Sara Din Namaz Padte Hai. Aurat: Arrey Wahh, Par Meri Problem Kaise Door Hogi? Maulvi: Tum Ek Kaam Karo, Kuch Din Ke Liye Apni Maina Ko Mere Dono Toto Ke Sath Pinjre Mein Rahne Do, Vo Bhi Sudhar Jayegi. Aurat Ne Khushi Khushi Apni Maina Ko Maulvi Ko De Diya. Mauvli Jaise Hi Maina Ko Leke Kamre Mein Ghusa, Ek Tote Ne Dusre Ko Kohni Mar Ke Khushi Se Kaha: Abe Uth Be Bhosdi Ke..." Dusra Tota: Abey Kua Hua??? Pehla Tota: Oye... Maal Aa Raha Hai... Hamari Barso Ki Dua Kabool Ho Gayi Hai. |
| A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few day later. He built a wall with barbed wires on top. One bull was already very horny. Other bulls told him there is one consultant that may help. The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows. The consultant said: First of all... stand 60 feet away from the wall. Then run at 60mph. Then jump at a 60 degree angle. Do what you want then come back the same way." The bull asked: But what if I mess up with the calculations and lost my genitals with the barbed wires? The consultant said: Then... you'd become a consultant. |