-
The Australian Barmaid
An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his order, Fosters, and notices his accent.
Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite well. At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him.
Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sex. Jill is traveling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that may be she should pay him more attention and may be she can then shake some more cash out of him again.
So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he's from in Australia and he tells her Melbourne.
"So am I... What suburb in Melbourne?"
"Glen Iris" he replies.
"That's amazing..." she says, "...so am I - what Street?"
"Cameo Street" he replies.
"This is unbelievable..." she says, "... what number?"
He says, "Number 20" and she is totally astonished.
"You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 22 and my parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says, "...your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you" -
Grass Sandwich
At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich".
She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it." -
True Sex!
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!" -
Ugliest Partner
An American moves to this remote town in the Scottish highlands. On his first night there he goes out to the local pub and after a few pints he notices that there are no women around. He asks these two guys next to him where to find the women in town.
One of the Scotsman says, "Really aren't any women in town that aren't married."
The American finds this news disturbing and asks, "Well what do you do for fun?"
The other Scotsman says, "We usually go down to the pasture and find a sheep to fuck."
The American is horrified and leaves the pub. After a couple years in town he begins to crack. He goes back to the pub and finds the same two Scotsmen.
He says, "I'm fucking losing it. I need some sex. Tonight when you guys go down to the pasture take me with you."
So they head down to the pasture a the Scots say, "Since you've never done this before we'll let you go first."
The American grabs the first sheep he can get his hands on and starts fucking away. The two Scotsmen are double over with laughter.
The American says, "Hey! Why are you laughing? I thought you guys did this all the time."
The Scotsmen say, "We do! But you chose the ugliest one!"