| After just two days of driving through Mexico, Jim was sick and tired of Mexicans. "They hate Americans," he told his wife, "and I swear to God - the next one I see, "I'm gonna make that son of a bitch suffer!" As it happened, Jim's anger was such that he didn't look where he was going, and rear ended a brawny farmer in a pickup truck. The Mexican came over and leaned in Jim's window. "Why you hit my truck?" "Because I can't stand you or any other Mexican greaseballs!" Jim ranted. "In fact, if you're man enough, I'm gonna come out and kick the shit out of you!" The Mexican motioned Jim out. "I make a deal with you," he said. "If you win, you take my truck. If I win, not only do I fuck your wife, but you will hold my balls to keep them off the hot street." Jim agreed and fought. Later, Jim was smiling as he and his wife drove off. "I told you I'd make some Mexican suffer!" he gloated. His wife looked at him. "What the hell are you talking about?" Jim smiled, "Didn't you hear how he screamed when I dropped his balls on the asphalt?" |
| A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits an English farmer. "So, English farmer, how do you shag your sheep?" "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall." "That's very interesting," replies the researcher and he leaves the English farmer.Then he meets an Australian farmer. "So, Australian farmer, how do you shag your sheep?" "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall." "That's very interesting, "replies the researcher, "That's how they do it in England too." And he leaves the Australian farmer. Then he meets a farmer from New Zealand. "So, kiwi farmer, how do you shag your sheep?" "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and I take the front legs of the sheep and put them over my shoulders." "Over your shoulders?" replies the researcher, "Don't you put them over a wall like everyone else?" "What?"says the farmer, "and miss out on all the kissing?" |
| When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City, Utah, a woman told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the Mormon religion where husbands believe it's OK to have more than one wife." That's true," he replied, "as a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives." "How disgusting," she said, "you should be ashamed of yourself, such practices should be against the law and you ought to be hung." With a slight grin, he just said, "Yes, mam I am." |
| Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 for a blow job." The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!" Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of a woman in Texas!" |