| One summer a few years ago, a middle age French-Canadian man named Jacques decided to vacation on the coast of Maine. While soaking up some sun on the beach, a very pretty girl caught his eye and his sexual desires. He immediately got up, ran to her, grabbed her by the hand and brought her to his hotel room. There he had sex with her and then sent the young lady on her way. She immediately reported this to the police and Jacques was arrested. On his court date the judge asked him if he understood the nature of the crime he committed against the young lady. Jacques looked at the judge with a bewildered look and said, "Non!! Hi don't understand! Hin my country you grab de pretty girl, bring her to de hotel room, BOOM-BOOM, give hit to her den let her go! Hit's O.K.!!!" "Sir", the judge said, "in this country if you are to have sex with a lady, you must have her permission first, or it is considered rape. You must have her consent!" After hearing this, Jacques turned around and mysteriously looked at the judge and exclaimed, "CUNTSCENT!!! Hi got her cuntscent!!! Hi got her cuntscent on my fingers, cuntscent on my mustache, hi got her cuntscent everywhere!!! |
| A customs agent stopped an old Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases. In the first suitcase he found over a million dollars in one dollar bills. "Excuse me, sir" he asked the old gentleman, "where did you get all this money?" "Well, I'll tell you," the old man began, "for many years, I traveled all around America, I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I went to New York, then I went to Chicago, then I went to San Francisco. I went into all the stalls here the men were spiriting and I say 'Give me a dollar for Israel or I'll cut off your testicles with my knife.'" "That's quite a story," the customs agent said, "what's in the second suitcase?" "Well, you know," said the old man, shaking his head, "not everyone likes to give..." |
| Two guys were standing next to one another at a urinal and one looks over at the other and says, "Excuse me, but didn't you use to live in St. Louis?" "Why yes I did," the other man answered back. "How did you know that?" "Well I used to live in St. Louis as well. And didn't you live on the east side?" "Yes, I was from the east side," the man answered back. "How did you know this?" "I belonged to the Jewish congregation there. Weren't you a member too?" "Why yes, I was," the man replied. "How would you know this?" "Didn't rabbi Horowitz perform your circumcision? "Yes, I think he did. But how would you know this?" "Well," answered the first man, "You're peeing on my leg." |
| It was a hot summer day and two nuns were painting a room in the convent. As there was no air conditioning the heat soon became unbearable. The first nun said that they should remove their clothes so that they would be cooler. The second said what if someone should come? The first said we'll lock the door and then we will be safe. So they lock the door and continue painting when there is a knock on the door. The first nun asks who it is and the reply comes back, "It is the blind man." The two nuns confer and decide that the blind man can't see anything and let him in, at which time the man says, "Nice tits sisters, where do you want these blinds?" |