| Ishmael Nussbaum founded a tailor supply shop in New York and worked hard to grow it into a national company. As his two sons, Peter and Andrew, grew older and graduated from college; he brought them into the business where they all flourished. Finally at age 95, Ishmael passed from this world and his sons called a meeting of all the employees. They thanked the employees for their hard work, praised their father's guidance and then announced the change they planned for the firm. Not much was to change except the name, Nussbaum and Sons. Peter and Andrew planned to Anglicize the firm's name and were changing their names to Nuss. So the new firm would be known as Nuss Brothers. The receptionist at this point, arose and announced she was quitting. The brothers tried to talk her out of it as she had worked so long at the firm for their father and certainly this little name change wouldn't affect her that much. She responded, "You aren't the one who will have to answer the phone, 'Nuss Brothers.... which one do you want to talk to? P. Nuss or A. Nuss?'" |
| Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts. She never had a boyfriend so she went to a Psychic for help. "Honey," said the Psychic. "You will not have luck in love in this life. But, at the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman and all men will fall at your feet." Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought, "The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins." She decided to jump off the bridge right away. But, incredibly Jane didn't die! She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face, "Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Please! One at a time!" |
| A guy is walking down the street, and he's really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again. So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says "Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!" The guy there says "OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin." "What's a penguin?" "You'll see." So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom. The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his "penguin." Soon, a whore comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job. Just as he's about to let loose, she stops and walks away. Now, the horny guy with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting "HEY! WHAT'S A PENGUIN?!" |
| Sven & Ole had been business partners and best friends for years. One morning, halfway to work, Sven realized he'd forgotten his lunch, so he went back home to get it. When he got there, he found that his wife was still in bed, naked. He says to her "Vhat's wrong vith you, voman? Vhy you vear no clothes?!?" She looks at him and says, "I vear no clothes because I haff no clothes to vear!" He looks at her for a moment and says, "Vhat you mean you haff no clothes to vear? You got plenty of clothes to vear! Look!" He opens the closet & starts sliding the hangers while counting, "See! Vun dress! Two dress! Three dress! Hello, Ole, how are you?. Four dress!" |