| There was a fly flying 12 inches above a lake. A fish in the lake thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, I'd get it." A bear on land thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump out of the water and I'd get it!" A hunter nearby thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear will go to get the fish and I'll shoot the bear." A mouse watching thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear and I'll steal the cheese off his sandwich !" A cat in hiding thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, the mouse will go get the cheese and I'll get that mouse !!!" Suddenly, it all happened: The fly dropped 6 inches, the fish got the fly, the bear got the fish, the hunter got the bear, the mouse got the hunter's cheese, but the cat missed the mouse and fell in the water! A subsequent in depth analysis of the above chain of events by a global management consulting firm revealed in their summary that Every time a fly drops 6 inches, a pussy gets wet. |
| A farmer and his young bride lived out in the country and the preacher would stop by and of course they would invite him in for chicken dinner. Well this went on and the preacher, practically started to be there everyday and the farmer had to go out in the fields to work, and the preacher would stay with the young bride but every time that he came over the young wife would have the farmer kill a chicken for dinner. Finally after a hard day's work the farmer was driving the tractor into the barn when the young bride stepped out on the porch and hollered at him to get her a chicken so that she could cook one for the preacher. The farmer hollered, "Screw the preacher!" To which the young bride replied "I already did, but I still need the chicken." |
| A man and his girlfriend were driving across the desert when they had a flat tire. As he got out, the boyfriend spotted a cowboy nearby, sitting on his horse, rolling a smoke. He told his girlfriend, "Watch me make that cowboy change my tire!" He got out and ordered, "Hey, you! Get off that horse and change my tire." The cowboy lit his cigarette and ignored him. "Hey! I told you to change my tire. If you don't, I'll kick your a$$!" The cowboy glanced up and said softly, "Tell you what, feller. First, I'm going to finish my smoke. Then I'm going to get down off this horse, kick your a$$, and make you change your own tire while I play with your girlfriend. And when you're done, I'm gonna make you hold my balls up out of this hot sand while I do it to her." Later, driving away, the girlfriend said, "That cowboy was pretty tough, wasn't he, baby?" The boyfriend replied, "Naw, he wasn't that tough. Did you see him flinch whenever I dropped his balls in the sand?" |
| A gent from Keokuk, Iowa was visiting Atlantic City on a convention for the first time and ran into one of the hookers while walking the boardwalk. When she offered a fun time he responded, "How much?" And she replied, "Twenty bucks." He said, thinking it was a good deal, "OK" and followed her down under,the boardwalk, and had his way with her. The next night, he's out looking for the same hooker, finds her and they once again go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible hugh farts. When they're done, he hands her $25. The woman says, "Why the extra five?" He happily tells her, "That's for blowing the sand off my ass !" |