| Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. "OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce." "Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake." "Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said. "You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor. That's why I want the divorce." he replied. |
| With his wife now eight months pregnant, a man was severely horny. She recognized what he was going through and empathized enough to hand him a fifty-dollar bill. "Honey, you're so depressed. Take this money to the woman next door and she'll sleep with you. But remember: tonight only, okay? Never again!" He couldn't believe his ears but, afraid she might change her mind, grabbed the money and ran, but within five minutes was back, totally disappointed. "She says fifty isn't enough. She wants seventy-five!" His wife was mad, "Why that bitch! When she was pregnant and her husband came over here, I only charged him fifty!" |
| As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for a month. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort. The first few days weren't too difficult. Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last week was extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch. A month finally ended. A knock came on the wife's bedroom door. "KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!" husband: "Guess who?" wife: "I know who it is!" husband:"Guess what I want?" wife: "I know what you want!" husband: "Guess what I'm knockin' with?" |
| The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter. "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something." "Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl. Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?" "Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?" "Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed." |