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A Healthy Breakfast
Three buddies got married on the same day and at the same hotel. During the receptions, the three guys met up in the bar.
"Guys, it's our wedding night and, uh, I was wondering, er, ah, how many times are we supposed to do it?"
Discussion ensued, and finally ended with an agreement to just see how things go and meet up the next morning for breakfast.
One groom said, "Wait. We can't discuss our wedding night performances over breakfast with our new wives there."
"You're right. Let's just order one slice of toast for every time we did it."
"Excellent idea!"
The next morning, the brides and grooms staggered to their tables and the waitress came to take their orders.
The first groom said, "I'll have the full breakfast with three slices of toast, please."
The other two grooms smiled at his prowess.
The second groom ordered, "I'll have the full breakfast but with four slices of toast."
The third groom grinned and said, "I'll have the full breakfast, please, but I'll have..." and here he paused for effect, "seven, yes, seven slices of toast!"
"Seven slices of toast, sir?" queried the waitress."That's an awful lot."
"Yes it is, young lady, yes it is. But seven slices of toast it shall be.... And, by the way, make two of those, brown!" -
The Unfaithful Wife
A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife.
"Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's infidelity."
"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife."
"One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'" -
New Secretary
Pedro gets a New Secretary. He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye.
Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs?
Pedro (feigning ignorance): Didn't quite notice.
Dora: What color are her eyes?
Pedro (quietly): Haven't had the time to check.
Dora: What are the nail polish colors she uses, mettalic, gel or neon ?
Pedro (rolling up his eye): Not a clue in the world.
Dora: Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick.
Pedro (looking quizzed): I barely spoke to her, so don't know.
Dora: How does she dress?
Pedro (innocently): VERY quickly...
Pedro's Funeral is tomorrow. -
Rehearsal vs Performance
A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.
He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance!"
"A little later I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance."
"Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"
"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."