| The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked. "Actually, yes", replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in eleven." |
| Tired from waiting for their overdue baby, a woman and her husband broke the monotony one night with a trip to the movies. She went inside to get seats while he bought popcorn and drinks in the lobby. Paying for the refreshments, the father-to-be knocked over his soda. The clerk mopped up the mess and refilled his cup. Rattled, he then joined his wife. Talking over the background music, he dramatically described his embarrassing episode. One of his expressive gestures upset the bucket of popcorn. He sheepishly headed back to the lobby. When he was out of earshot, the woman sitting next to the mother-to-be turned and said, "You're not going to let him hold the baby, are you?" |
| A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The puddle immediately swallowed the car as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!" |
| A lady is having a bad day at the table in Monte Carlo. Down to her last Pound 100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A gentleman next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" "I don't know, she put everything on number 24 and when 36 came up, she screamed and then fainted." |