Universal Jokes

  • Golf Rider

    Four old geezers came into the pro shop after playing 18 holes and were exhausted.

    The pro asked if they had a good game and the first old guy said, "Pretty good. I had three riders today."

    The second old guy said, "I had five riders."

    The third old man said, "I had seven riders, same as last time."

    The fourth said, "I beat my old record. I had twelve riders. I'll buy!"

    After they shuffled into the bar, another member said to the pro, "I've played golf for years and thought I knew all the lingo, but what in the heck is a 'rider'?"

    The pro replied, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get back in the golf cart and ride to it!"
  • Chicken Vocabulary!

    1. Who is the father of chicken?
    Chicken ka bab.

    2. Who is the mother of chicken?
    Chicken Kima.

    3. How do you tell a chicken to call you on your mobile?
    Kalmi chicken

    4. What happens when a chicken takes bath?
    Chicken showerma.

    5. Chicken in trouble?
    Chicken soup.

    6. Chicken getting injection?
    Chicken teeka.

    7. Chicken doing flattery?
    Butter chicken.

    8. Chicken on a winter night?
    Chilly chicken.

    9. Chicken at retirement?
    Chicken 65.

    Dedicated to all the chicken lovers.
  • The Ladies Tees

    SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY, a woman called her husband's lifelong golfing buddy.

    "What's the matter ?" asked the friend.

    "It's Sam," she said. "I don't know where I went wrong."

    "What do you mean ?"

    "I was cleaning out Sam's closet," the wife explained," and I found several boxes with miniskirt blouses and pantyhose in them."

    "So?"

    "But they aren't mine and when I asked Sam about them, he told me they were his."

    "There's nothing to get upset about," the friend assured her. "Everybody knows that Sam will do any thing to be able to hit from the ladies' tee."
  • Beer Shampoo

    Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

    The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, Sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand."

    "I can handle that without a problem", the first nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.

    "We use beer for washing our hair" the first nun said, "back at The Nunnery, we call it Catholic Shampoo."

    Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the beer.

    He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said, "The curlers are on the house."
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