Universal Jokes

  • Too Young To Die

    On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through quite a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, the plane is bucking back and forth, pitching up and down and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

    One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

    "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

    For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

    Then a man from Texas stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: tall, muscular, defined features with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

    He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt.....one button at a time.

    No one moves...
    He removes his shirt...
    Muscles ripple across his huge chest and perfect abs...
    She gasps...

    He whispers..., "Iron this... and then get me a beer."
  • Gyani-Dhyani Baba Ji

    Ek Bahut Hi Pahunche Hue Sant The... Gyaan, Dhyaan, Sadhna Ke Bade Hi Jaankaar... Hamesha Muskurate Rahte The...

    Aane Waale Bhakt Aur Shishya Unse Ulta-Seedha, Oot-Pataang... Kuch Bhi Puchein... Hamesha Muskura Ke Jawaab Dete The... Gussa Toh Kabhi Aata Hi Nahin Nahin Tha... Gajab Ka Dhairya Tha... Patience Ki Jeeti-Jaagti Misaal The.

    Dur-Dur Tak Unki Khyati Thi. Ek Bar Ek Reporter Ne Unka Interview Lete Hue Pucha, "Baba ji, Aap Ke Guru Kaun Hain ? Aapne Dhairya, Dhyaan Aur Sadhna Ki Shiksha Kahan Se Li?"

    Sant Ne Us Patrakaar Ki Taraf Bade Hi Prem Se Dekha Aur Mushkurate Hue Kaha, "Beta, Maine 20 Saal Sarees Aur Ladie Suits Ke Showroom Mein Kaam Kiya Hai."
  • Pleading Student

    A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

    "I would do 'Anything' to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

    "I mean," she whispers, "I would do... 'Aanything.'"

    He returns her gaze, "Anything?"

    "Anything!"

    His voice softens.... "Anything??"

    "Anything..."

    His voice turns to a whisper, :Would you... Study?"
  • Using a Bedpan

    Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country. One day his Uncle Abner came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew, Little Johnny.

    When Uncle Abner came into the bedroom, he saw Little Johnny kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed.

    Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?"

    "Why... The same thing you're doing," replied Uncle Abner.

    "Ma's gonna be mad," said Little Johnny.

    "Why will she be mad?" asked Uncle Abner.

    "Because the bed pan's on this side!" responded Little Johnny.
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