| A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube." "Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup." "Alright, we could get a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die." "Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that." |
| A Syrian arrives in Toronto as a new immigrant to Canada. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Canadian, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, income support, free medical care, free housing and a free education!"
The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian." The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada." The person says, "I am not Canadian, I am Pakistani." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful country Canada." That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan. I am not Canadian." He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you a Canadian woman?" She says, "No, I am from Africa." Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?" The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work." |
| A disappointed salesman of Coca-Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs ?" The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place." "That should have worked," said the friend. The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..." |
| "Mr. Chilton," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last visit." "Does that mean I'm cured?" he asked. "For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from." "Well, that's terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I'd like to tell you something. Although our relationship is strictly professional, it's been one of the most rewarding of my life. I wish I could do something to repay you for helping me." "You've paid my fee," the doctor said. "That's the only responsibility you have." "I know," Chilton said. "But isn't there some personal favour I could do for you?" "Well," the doctor said, "I'll tell you what. If you ever suffer a relapse, my son could use a new iPhone X." |