| It's Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands back with Paddy to look at it. "Well, Paddy, What do you think?" "Sorry, Shaun, this tree won't do. Let's try another one." They come upon another nice tree, Shaun brushes it off, and they both look at it. "How about this one, Paddy?" "Not quite, Shaun. Let's keep looking." This goes on until nightfall. Both Paddy and Shaun are cold, tired, and hungry. "Well, Paddy, what do we do now?" "Shaun, I think we should take home the next tree we find, whether it has lights on it or not...!" |
| Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh and relaxed. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and un-bothered when it's over?" The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?" |
| Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that, get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man''s shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about. I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles." |
| "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out." "What's that, Joey?` asked Goldblatt. "Well, according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?" "Right." "And the Children of Israel beat up the Phillistines, right?" "Er, right." "And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?" "Again you're right." "And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?" "All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?" "What were all the grown-ups doing?" |