| A rabbi and a priest meet up after a year not seeing each other. The rabbi goes, "Man, you've put on some weight since last time!" Priest: "Yeah I know, it is a new technique I came up with. You go to a restaurant, eat as much as you can. When the bill comes, you tell them you already paid for it." Rabbi: "Sure, but the waiter won't believe you, right?" Priest: "Of course he won't. That's when you tell him how dare he doubt a man of faith? It usually works and you can leave without paying." Rabbi: "Very nice, I'll be trying this." Later that day, the rabbi goes to his favorite kosher restaurant. After eating 5 plates, the waiter comes up to him with the bill. Rabbi: "Oh, I already paid." Waiter: "Mmm, I'm pretty sure you did not sir." Rabbi: "You know I'm a rabbi, how dare you doubt a man of faith? I told you, I already paid." Waiter: "So sorry sir, you are right, it must be some misunderstanding, you're good to go." 15 minutes goes by and the rabbi is still at the table. 30 minutes... 45 minutes... 1 hour and he is still there! The waiter walks up to him, "Sir, why are you still here?" Rabbi: "Well, I'm waiting for the change!" |
| They're still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they stated that they will only accept three defective parts per 10,000. When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. It said, "We Japanese had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you." |
| There was a businessman, and he was not feeling well, so he went to see the doctor about it. The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be your diet, what sort of greens do you eat?" The man replies, "Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods." The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, "Well man, that's your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you'll have to give them up!!" The guy says, "But how long for, I mean I really like peas!" The doctor replies, "Forever, I'm afraid." The man is quite shocked by this, but he gives it a go and sure enough, his condition improves, so he realizes that he will never eat a pea again. Anyway, one night, years later, he's at a convention for his employer and is getting quite sloshed and one of the reps says, "Well, ashully, I'd love a cigarette, coz I avint ad a smoke in four years, I gave it up, but tonight I'm gonna have one." The bartender hears this and says, "Really, I haven't had a game of golf in 3 years, because it cost me my first marriage, so I gave it up! But tomorrow I'm going to sneak a quick one." The businessman then says, "Thas nuvving, I haven't ad a pea in 6 years." The bartender jumps up screaming, "Okay, everyone who can't swim, grab a table..." |
| A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied, "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket." The man said, "When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on." The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. She replied, "Your horse called." |