| In a church one Sunday morning a preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front of the altar." With that, Peter got in line and when it was his turn the Preacher asked, "Peter, what do you want me to pray about for you?" He replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand on Peter's ear, placed his other hand on top of Peter's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Peter, how is your hearing now?" Peter answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the magistrate court." |
| A teacher asked his class how many of them were Trump fans. Not quite knowing what a Trump fan is, but wanting to be loved by the teacher, all of the kids raised their hands, except Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why did you decide to be different... again. Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." "Why aren't you a Trump fan?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Democrat." The teacher asked him why he is a Democrat. Little Johnny replied, "Well my mom is a Democrat and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat." The teacher, annoyed by this answer, asked him, "If your mother was an idiot and your father a jerk, what would that make you?" Little Johnny replied, "A Trump fan." |
| A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Maybe we should learn a foreign language...." "Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." |
| Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours everyday, they never manage to come in any better than dead last. Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practices. After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured out their secret," he announces. "What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout. "We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row." |