| Bob is a favorite conductor among commuters on the Long Island Rail Road. He has great rapport with the regulars, but occasionally runs into a problem rider. One passenger, for instance, seemed irritated at having to hand over his ticket to be punched. "Where are you going today?" Bob asked, smiling. "Well, what does the ticket say?" replied the traveler sarcastically. "Um, it says you're on the wrong train," Bob informed him. "What am I supposed to do now?" asked the flustered passenger. Returning the punched card, Bob replied calmly, "Ask the ticket." |
| This is a game played by two teams, one out the other in. The one that's in, sends players out one at a time, to see if they can get in before they get out. If they get out before they get in, they come in, but it doesn't count. If they get in before they get out it does count. When the ones out get three outs from the ones in before they get in without being out, the team that's out comes in and the team in goes out to get those going in out before they get in without being out. When both teams have been in and out nine times the game is over. The team with the most in without being out before coming in wins unless the ones in are equal. In which case, the last ones in go out to get the ones in out before they get in without being out. The game will end when each team has the same number of ins out but one team has more in without being out before coming in. |
| Q: How do you tickle a Rich Girl? A: Gucci... Gucci... Gucci... Q: How does a Rich Girl Curse? A: Oh Teri Fendi! Q: How does a Rich Girl Sneeze? A: Jimmy Choo.. Jimmy Choo... Q: How does a rich girl laugh? A: Rolex on the floor laughing. Q: How do you serenade a Rich Girl? A: By singing her a romantic Cavalli? Q:How does a rich girl exclaim? A: Omega! Q: What does a rich girl do when she's bored watching TV? A: She changes the Chanel. Q: How to annoy rich girl on FB? A: Tag Heuer on your posts. Q: What do you call an absconding rich girl? A: Ferrari. Q: How to you address a rich girl? A: Oh my Dior... And for guys who are still confused, ask Tommy. Hilfiger it out. |
| A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session, left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment. Vintage film fan and part time plus size model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the Ink It Good Tattoo Emporium on Wellgate last week to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur. Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story. "It was a big job in more ways than one." he told us, "I'd just lit a roll up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It's delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston's whip, and a hissing sound - more of a whoosh than a rasp - and before I know what's happening, there's a flame shooting from her arse to my fag and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire." Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework. "To be honest", said Jason, "I didn't even realise she was wearing one. You'd need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe in there and I'd have been none the wiser." Jason and Tracey were taken to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame. "I'm furious" said Jason, "I've got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrows not there any more. I don't know about Ben Hur - Gone With The Wind's more like it. You don't just let rip in someone's face like that. It's dangerous." But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant, "I'm still in agony," she said, "and Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn't have had a fag on the go and there's no way I'd guff on purpose. He'd had me on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course. My Kev knows that. I give him my five second warning and I'd have done the same for Jason, but I didn't get chance - it just crept out." Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service wasn't surprised when we told him what had happened, "People just don't appreciate the dangers." he told us, "We get called out to more flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days, now people have moved over to oven chips. We have a slogan 'Flame 'n fart - keep 'em apart'." Anyone engaging in an arse inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in future." |