Universal Jokes

  • Matzo Balls

    A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is matzo ball soup."

    On seeing the two large matzo balls floating in the broth, the Gentile man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man. "Try it; if you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."

    Finally he agreed. He dug his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzo ball with some soup in his spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual "Mmmmmmmmm" sound could be heard coming from deep within his chest, and he quickly finished the whole bowl.

    "That was good," the man said. "Can you eat any other parts of the matzo?"
  • Management Decisions!

    A king had 10 wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.

    A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn't like at all... So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

    The minister said, "I served you loyally 10 years and you do this...?"

    The king was unrelenting.

    Minister pleaded, "Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs."

    The king agreed. In those 10 days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days.

    The guard was baffled... But he agreed. So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them.

    So when the 10 days were up. The king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.

    When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister, licking his feet.

    The king was baffled at what he saw. "What happened to the dogs? !!!" He growled.

    The minister then said, "I served the dogs for only 10 days and they didn't forget my service. I served you for 10 years and you forgot all at the first mistake!"

    The King realised his mistake and Replaced the dogs with crocodiles.


    Moral: Once Management has targeted you, that's final.
  • A king had 10 wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.

    A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn't like at all... So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

    The minister said, "I served you loyally 10 years and you do this...?"

    The king was unrelenting.

    Minister pleaded, "Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs."

    The king agreed. In those 10 days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days.

    The guard was baffled... But he agreed. So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them.

    So when the 10 days were up. The king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.

    When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister, licking his feet.

    The king was baffled at what he saw. "What happened to the dogs? !!!" He growled.

    The minister then said, "I served the dogs for only 10 days and they didn't forget my service. I served you for 10 years and you forgot all at the first mistake!"

    The king realised his mistake and Replaced the dogs with crocodiles.


    Moral: Once Management has targeted you, that's final.
  • How Marketing Works!

    An interoffice football game was held every year between the company's marketing and support staff.

    The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly. But the marketing department showed how they earn their keep by posting this memo on the bulletin board after the game:

    "The marketing department is pleased to announce that during the 2009 football season, we came in 2nd place, having lost just one game all year. However, the support staff had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game."
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