| When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed, "You oughta meet'em sometime, Doc!" |
| A packed plane was flying over the Atlantic at night. Suddenly, the pilot says, "Ladies & Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude & we must throw out all the baggage." A little later, the pilot says, "We're still losing altitude, we must throw out any hand baggage that is in the cabin. Despite more things being thrown out the plane continues its descent. Pilot, "Still going down, we must throw out some people." There's a big gasp from the passengers! The Pilot says, "But to make this fair, passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order... So... A... any Africans on board?" No one moves. "B... any Blacks on board?" No one moves. "C... any Caribbeans/Chinese on board?" Still no one moves. A little Parsi boy asks his dad, "Dad, I'm scared; P is coming closer and we are Parsis." Dad: "Tonight son, remember we are Zoroastrians." |
| A young man and woman were eager to enjoy a picnic in the park one Saturday noon, and they opted to go through a fast-food drive-in for a quick snack. They ordered, paid, got their bag of goodies, and headed for the park. When they opened the bag, it was full on money instead of the hamburgers they expected. They rushed back to the fast-food place and returned the money. "This is WONDERFUL," exclaimed the manager. "We've been looking for this money all morning and couldn't figure out where it could have been misplaced. You two are an honest couple. A lot of people would not have the morals and honesty to return the money. I'm going to call the TV and the newspapers and let everybody know what an honest deed you've done." "Uh, don't do that," says the man, "my wife might see it on TV." |
| A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely, "Are - my - test - results - back?" ADVICE: Do listen carefully when the patient is wearing a mask! |