| A little girl in first grade was doing very well especially in spelling. One day she came home with new words to study for an upcoming test and she asked her mother to help. They came to the word "knit" and her mother asked her to spell it. She said, "N-i-t." Her mother said, "No, try again." She said, very slowly, "N-i-t." Her mother said, "Now, honey, I know you know how to spell this word, try again." Very aggravated and very slowly, as if her mother was just not getting the whole picture, she spelled, "N-I-T!" Finally, her mother told her that the correct spelling was k-n-i-t. The little girl looked at her mother, put her hands on her hips and said, "THE 'K' IS SILENT!" |
| Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!" |
| Earlier this year, a group of bikers were riding out when they saw a girl about to jump off the Humber Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the Policeman who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby..... whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?" She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!" While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked... "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?" So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the Policeman, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." . . . . It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed. |
| So I went to stay in the US and started getting used to the American way of life... After a few months of staying there, I thought I should have a personal handgun as well. Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon. So, today I went over to the local Gun shop to get a 9mm handgun for home/personal protection. When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." I made her repeat what she had just said, because I thought I hadn't heard it right the first time. She duly repeated the line. Making a mental note to complain to the government about gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader. As a senior citizen, I do not get flustered often, but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on. I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear. . And I just need to wear underwear more often. |