| Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10. sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older person friendly" policies. One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him in the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-on job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes. I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Arm Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?" They said, "Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, Sir?" |
| A prestigious law firm interviewing prospective attorneys had narrowed the field down to Bob and Paul. Both had graduated at the top of their respective law school classes. Both were from good families. Both were equally handsome. Both were well-spoken. But the senior law partner only asked each man one question, "Why did you become a lawyer?" and then chose Bob. Later, Paul said to Bob, "I can't understand why he didn't want me. When he asked me why I became a lawyer, I told him that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do the right thing for my clients. What did you say?" Bob replied, "I just told him, 'I became a lawyer because of my hands.'" "Your hands?" asked Paul incredulously. "Yeah," said Bob. "One day I looked at my hands and there wasn't any money in either of them!" |
| A soldier was stationed abroad and received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read: "Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim." The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies. There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read: "Dear Kim, I'm so sorry but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave." |
| A henpecked man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him, so he started playing poker on Friday nights with his buddies just to get some relief. After he came home she'd start right in on him again. After several weeks went by, he came home early one Friday night about 9:30. His wife asked him how come he was home early. He told her, "You need to pack your bags and go to Herb's house, I lost you to him in the card game tonight." His wife became furious and started to give him hell. She said, "Just how could you do such a thing!?" He replied, "It was the hardest thing I've ever done... I had to fold with four aces." |