| A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay. She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums." "I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied. The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt." |
| One day during school, a 2nd grade teacher was in the middle of a math lesson. Suddenly a little girl named Susie stood up and yelled, "Teacher, teacher! Can I go to the potty, I have to pee!" The teacher calmly replied, "Susie, we don't say 'pee,' we say 'number one.' Yes, you may go." A few minutes later a little boy named Billy stood up, started jumping up and down yelling, "Teacher! Can I go to the bathroom? I really gotta poop!" The teacher firmly replied, "Billy, we don't say 'poop,' we say 'number two.' Go ahead." About half an hour later Little Johnny, who had been listening to what she said, stood up and yelled, "Teacher, Teacher! Give me a number quick, cause I really gotta fart!" |
| On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness - and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single." |
| Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?" The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" |