| "Mom, dad, sit down. I have something very important to tell you," said Samantha, upon her return home from college after graduation. "I met a guy who lives near the college that I really like and we decided we are going to get married!" "Oh Samantha! I am so happy for you!" gushed her mom giving, her a big hug. "I hope you two will be really happy together! I can't wait to meet him!" "Tell us more about him` said her dad, `does he have any money?" "Oh Dad! Is that all you men ever think about? That was the first question he asked me about you too!" |
| A computer programmer was taking a smoke break when a woman passing by sarcastically commented, "Don't you know that those things can kill you? They put a warning on every pack!" "Oh, that's okay," said the guy, exhaling smoke, "I'm a programmer." "What's that got to do with anything?" she asked. He answered, "Programmers ignore warnings; we only care about errors!" |
| By comedian Jeff Foxworthy Have you ever wondered why it's OK to make jokes about Catholics, Jews, Christians, the Pope, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Hungarians, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians), the elderly, bad golfers, men/women, blacks/whites, etc, but its insensitive to make jokes about the Muslims? Well, it's time to level the playing field and be politically incorrect, by including our friends, the Muslims, on this grandiose list. So Jeff Foxworthy did his part to include the Muslims on his list... 1. If you grow and refine heroin for a living, but morally object to the use of liquor, You may be a Muslim. 2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but can't afford shoes, You may be a Muslim. 3. If you have more wives than teeth, You may be a Muslim. 4. If you wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon to be unclean, You may be a Muslim. 5. If you think vests come in two styles, Bullet-proof and suicide, You may be a Muslim. 6. If you can't think of anyone that you haven't declared jihad against, You may be a Muslim. 7. If you consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing, You may be a Muslim. 8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses, other than setting off roadside bombs, You may be a Muslim. 9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four, then you, too, may be a Muslim. 10. If you find this offensive and do not forward it, you are part of the problem here, but if you delete this, you are most likely a Muslim. |
| Two mothers met for coffee. "Well Ruthie, how are the kids?" "To tell you the truth, my son has married a real tramp!" says Ruth. "She doesn't get out of bed until 11. She's out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? Ha! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant." "Oh! What a shame. And how about your daughter? "Ah! Now there's a lucky girl. She has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy whatever she needs, and in the evening he always takes her out to dinner at a nice restaurant." |