| In the crowded Chembur station, a bespectacled man with a thick moustache approached a passenger and proclaimed in a heavy Malayali accent, "You're Sippy Sopan!" The passenger replied, "No, I am Rajesh Joshi!" "Nyo, nyo, you're Sippy Sopan," persisted the Malayali. "No, no, I am Rajesh Joshi," insisted the passenger. The exasperated Malayali looked to the right, looked to the left, pointed a finger at the man's trousers (fly) and whispered... "Your Sippy Sopan!!!` |
| Two buddies, Ralph and Rob, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Rob throws up all over himself. "Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!" Ralph says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill." So they stay for another couple of hours and got even drunker. Eventually Rob rolls into home and his wife Jane starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!" Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Rob says, "Now wain aminit, I can e'splain everything! Itsh not what you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy got sick on me...he'd had one too many and he just couldn't hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an' gave me twenty bucks for the cleaning bill!" Jane looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks." "Oh, yeah... I almosh forgot, he shit in my pants, too" |
| An old man, a boy, and a donkey were travelling. The boy rode the donkey while the man walked. In the first town they went to, the people all said, "How hard for that old man who has to walk!" The two travelers heard this and decided that the boy should walk and the old man should ride. In the next town, people whispered, "What a shame, he makes the little boy walk!" So the pair decided that they should both ride. In the third town, people all muttered about how cruel it was to make the donkey work so hard. So the boy and the old man decided to carry the donkey. On the way to the next town, they had to go across a bridge. As they walked across it, they slipped and the donkey fell in to the river and drowned. The moral of the story is - If you try to please everyone, you will eventually end up losing your ass. |
| A minister of a church loved peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed as he unwrapped the homemade brandy. However, his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment. The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches... and for the spirit in which they were given!" |