| A heavily bandaged man was sitting up in bed at the hospital when his friend came to visit. "What happened to you?" the friend asked. "Well, we went to the amusement park and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it, but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I went around again, but we went by so quickly that I still couldn't see what the sign said. By now I was determined, so I went around a third time. As we reached the top I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked his friend. "Yeah... The sign said 'Remain seated at all times!'" |
| During a training session at an artillery unit the sergeant-major was busy describing how the sophisticated aiming device of the artillery weapon system is used: "As you all know, there are 180 degrees in a circle." One of the soldiers put up his hand and said: "But there are 360 degrees in a circle, sergeant-major." "You idiot," replied the sergeant-major, "I am obviously speaking about a small circle!" |
| A man finds his dog with a dead rabbit in its mouth. He realizes that the rabbit is a pet of his next-door neighbor. In a panic he cleans the rabbit up and sneaks it into its cage, hoping his neighbor will think their pet died of natural causes. Next day he spots his neighbor digging a hole in the flower beds and goes over to investigate. "What are you doing?" asks the man. "Burying my rabbit again," replies the neighbor. `There sure are some sick people around here. The rabbit dropped dead on Monday, I buried it on Tuesday, and on Wednesday some bastard dug it up, gave it a wash, and stuck it back in its cage." |
| A little boy asks his dad, "Where does poo come from?" His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the facts straight up. "Well son," he says, "food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This contracts the protein before waste enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo." "Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?" |