| After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges." The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded. Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me." |
| A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then the new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful after- school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action. The following afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession is really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" "A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the wise old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days. |
| A retired officer goes to a shop and asks the young shopkeeper, "Give me 742 grains of green gram." The boy, without speaking a word, quickly weighs 200 grams of green gram and gives it to the customer. Customer asks him, "Are there really 742 grains in this packing?" Youngster replies, "Of course, you can go home and count. My dad has counted and established that each kilo of green gram comprises of 3710 grains. Therefore, for 200 grams, it should contain 742 grains." Customer gets even more curious and asks the youngster, "What does your dad do?" Youngster replies: "He is also retired, like you. |
| Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions. Their company employed over two hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes. Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, former customers disappeared, the business failed, and personal debts forced both into bankruptcy. Bill and Moe blamed each other for the troubles, and they parted on unfriendly terms. Five years later, Bill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped for a cup of coffee. As he was discreetly wiping some crumbs from the table, a waiter approached. Bill looked up and gasped. "Moe!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing, seeing you working in a place as bad as this." "Yeah," Moe said with a smirk. "But at least I don't eat here." |