| During Sermon on a Sunday service, the Pastor said, "If I had all the Beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And the congregation cried, "Amen! " "And if I had all the Wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river." And the congregation cried: "Amen!" "And if I had all the Whiskey and Rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river." Again the congregation cried, "Amen!..." The Pastor sat down. The Junior Pastor then stood up and said, "For our closing Hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our Hymn books and sing, "We shall drink from the river." The whole Congregation SCREAMED *HALLELUJAH!* |
| The young salesman finally plucked up the courage to tell his fiancee that he was breaking off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.
"Can she cook like I can?" asked the distraught fiancee "Not even on her best day!" replied the salesman. "Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" "No, she's broke", the salesman said in agreement. "Well then, is this all about 'relations'?" cried out the devastated woman. "No, nobody does it like you babe," assured the salesman. "Then what is it?" she screamed "What can she do that I can't"? The salesman sighed, took a deep breath, looked his ex-fiancee straight in the eyes and said, "She can sue me for child support." And then it hit him... the four slice toaster he had bought for her the previous birthday. |
| Can it get geographically punnier than this? Timmy : I'm Hungary. Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge? Timmy : Okay, I'm Russian to the kitchen. Mum : Hmm... maybe you'll find some Turkey. Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yucks! Mum : There is Norway you can eat that. Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile. Mum : Denmark your name on the can. Timmy : Kenya do it for me? Mum : Okay, I'm Ghana do it. Timmy : Thanks, I'm so tired - Iran for an hour today. Mum : It Tokyo long enough. Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes! |
| A guy ordered a drink in an airport cocktail lounge and suddenly realized that sitting across from him was Bill Gates. Barely concealing his enthusiasm, he introduced himself, "Hello, Mr. Gates. My name is Larry. You don't know me, but I'd like to ask you for a small favor." A wary Gates asked, "And what might that be?" "I'm meeting with a potential client here in a few minutes and if I can sign this deal, it could change my whole life. All I ask is that you walk over and greet me like an old friend. Perhaps my client will be impressed enough to swing the deal." Relieved, Gates said, "Sure. I can do that for you." A few minutes later, as the man sat talking with his client, Gates finished his drink, walked over to them, and said, "Hey, Larry! I thought that was you. How've you been?" And the guy replied, "F*¢k off, Gates! I'm in a meeting here!" |