| A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders.....6-year-olds, because the last one is classic! Better to be safe than...................... punch a 5th grader. Strike while the..................... bug is close. It's always darkest before..................... Daylight Saving Time. Never underestimate the power of..................... termites. You can lead a horse to water but...................... how? Don't bite the hand that...................... looks dirty. No news is..................... impossible. A miss is as good as a..................... Mr. You can't teach an old dog new..................... math. If you lie down with dogs, you'll..................... stink in the morning. Love all, trust..................... me. The pen is mightier than the..................... pigs. An idle mind is..................... the best way to relax. Where there's smoke there's..................... pollution. Happy the bride who..................... gets all the presents. A penny saved is..................... not much. Two's company, three's..................... the Musketeers. Don't put off till tomorrow what..................... you put on to go to bed. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..................... you have to blow your nose. There are none so blind as..................... Stevie Wonder. Children should be seen and not..................... spanked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed..................... get new batteries. You get out of something only what you..................... see in the picture on the box. When the blind leadeth the blind..................... get out of the way. And the favorite: Better late than..................... pregnant!!!! |
| So I was sitting on the bus and somebody tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, "Sonny, would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like." "Sure," I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends. "What a nice lady," I thought, while happily munching on the nuts. A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts. I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat. After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts. I asked her, "Why don't you eat them yourself?" "Because we've got no teeth," she replied. "Then why do you buy them?" I asked. "Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them." |
| Try this out: Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into some very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins! Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Jonson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized." Now close your eyes and repeat out louse five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson." |
| A college student wrote a letter home: Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin. P.S.I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed to God that I could get it back.But it was too late. A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said: Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came! |